the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
