i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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