Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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