I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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