Do vagina's smell?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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