Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
