I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
