Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
