Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
