hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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