I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
