I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
