she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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