Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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