ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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