since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
