and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
