OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
