dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
