Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
