I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
