Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
false alarm. still invincible.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
