You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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