Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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