TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
