Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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