Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
