My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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