His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
and she was petting her beer can
We got so high we made milksteak
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
