i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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