i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
