You work out of a Hotel?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
