My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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