my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
