I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
