I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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