Will you blow on my dice?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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