I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
