he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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