we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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