the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
