how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize