Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
