im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize