dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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