would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
