im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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