True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
