Your face is a jimmy john
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
