Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
