We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
