Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
