if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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