my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
