it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
