you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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