When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
