I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
