But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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