you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
