you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
