We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
