I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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