i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Let's get the cat blown out
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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