I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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