I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
