she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
