FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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