Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
