I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
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First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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