HIV tests are more positive than that guy
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
