Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
