I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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