im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
3 2 1 whiskey
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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