haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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