He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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