i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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