He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
