That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I intend to get homeless drunk
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
