Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
4 words: hood of his car
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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