So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
