even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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