HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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