I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
