I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
A+ Viking dick
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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