just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Someone stole a lamp last night.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
