Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
