got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
