Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
