people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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