i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
now i know why i became what i already was.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
