I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
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