Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize