my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize