omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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