We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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