You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
